MOVING TO NEW SITE


I just wanted to let everyone know that I am not missing, instead I have ventured into the wonderful world of my own website!

http://www.craftyartistkc.com is now live. Although it is not completed, I am slowly transitioning my posts over to the new site. Please please please go check it out and subscribe via email. I will be adding a lot more ways to follow me, but for now, please subscribe via email.

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Depression and Anxiety are real.


Depression and anxiety are two things that a lot of people don’t understand can go hand in hand. I may seem outgoing and happy, but dying on the inside. I love having people over to my house, but it is nearly impossible to get me to go party anywhere else. I’ve made my environment comfortable and to step out always causes such anxiety.

I wrote this poem the other day. Its something that has been gradually coming to me. It almost dictates how someone with depression and anxiety may feel overwhelmed by circumstance. I have days where I wanna be left alone, but I don’t ever want to feel lonely. There is a difference.

 

Just Leave Me Alone
Do you ever feel like you need to get away

from the hustle and bustle and day-to-day?

Do you ever want to push everyone further,

and inside yourself, crawl and whither?

Do you ever love your family so deep,

That you try to save them from this heap?

A heavy burden your carry within your heart,

so heavy from inside it rips you apart?

Leave me be, don’t come any closer,

The anxiety runs over me like a dozer.

The intensity of co-existing with another,

Is too much to take, I feel smothered.

Inside the quiet space, I’ve made for my mind,

Is the only sanity, I fear I can find.

I’m screaming inside, do you hear that?

The pressure is holding me down flat.

I can’t breathe, I can’t make a complete thought,

The darkness is overwhelming making me rot,

Let me fight this insanity in my solitude,

Or inside me will grow this feud,

And overwhelm me until I expire,

Maybe only that will put out this fire.

I encourage you to listen to those around you. I’ve heard that it is often most the happiest people around you that have the worst battle with depression. Sometimes a little compassion can go a long way.

Just as a disclaimer: I am not suicidal, nor do I wish to perish. Its my belief that everyone has a battle with darkness inside them and how you decide to fight that battle is as individualized with the battle itself. We all need a moment to be ourselves in the still, in the quiet.

Do you suffer with depression and anxiety? Do you know someone who does? Do you have any tips or pointers on how to deal with stress playing a role in the severity of that suffering? Comment below and lets help the world become a better place together.

Defeated


This poem I wrote when I was in a very dark place in my life. So much was going on that I felt overwhelmed. As I re-read it, I remember those dark times and how all felt so hopeless. Thank God I’m out of that place and now I can look back and see just how far I fell into the darkness and depression. I remember wondering who would even care if I still existed, who would even notice my absence. I was alone, I was tired and I was on the brink of giving up.

I’m so tired of always fighting,

I’m tired, worn out and weak,

Who really cares if I exist,

I’m just called a whore or freak,

When I am too weak to carry on,

Who will pick up my sword and shield,

“They” are ripping me apart,

And to “them” I bow my head and yield.

This is my existence, no use fighting now,

I have dug my six foot grave,

For once in this miserable existence,

Am I forced to willingly behave.

As I gaze off in the distance,

The end is near, so I look to the ground,

I’m grasping for anything, anyone?

All that I ever loved, is no where to be found.

They have forgotten this war I wage,

They have just stood by for the show,

As the sword pierces my heart I yell,

Now I’m finally free from this woe.